Your Pastoral Coach

The Illusion of Money

" For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." 1Ti 6:10

We humans are such interesting creatures. Money is known to be one of the top things people worry about, one of the top reasons for marital disputes, and one of the main reasons why many decide not to follow their passions and purpose in life. Acquiring more money drives a lot of our attention and actions. Yet, in study after study they find that money ranks very low in terms of the things that help people live happy and healthy lives. Money has been found to make a difference in happiness when it can bring a family from below the level of poverty to above it. After that the effects are negligible. In fact, it has been found that in many cases coming to money could actually accelerate or amplify major problems, creating a life of grief and sorrow. Take a look at this news article from yesterday's NY Times that prompted this post. It is called "Instant Millions Can’t Halt Winners Grim Slide." What a disaster!

We must focus on gratitude for what we have now and we should savor every day as if it was our last. If the Lord blesses us with more money, great, but let's pray that we are also blessed with the gifts of the Holy Spirit, particularly temperance, wisdom, and fortitude, so that the extra cash may not result in a disaster like it happened to these "poor" people.

Technorati Tags: Happiness

Why do we worry so much?

So many of us worry so much about the things we did or didn't do in the past, or about what may happen in the future... we carry so many burdens, yet life is only happening this one second. Enjoy this story...

"A wayfarer carried a heavy sack about which he complained unceasingly. From none could he get help or comfort. And as he slowly journeyed, groaning under his burden, the Angel of Optimism came to him and spoke kindly, saying: "Brother, what does thou carry?" The man answered surlily, "My worries." The angel smiled pityingly upon him and said, "Let us look into thy burden and examine thy worries." And so they looked in. But lo! the sack was empty. "Why surely," cried the man, "there were two great worries, too heavy for man to bear. But—ah, yes, I had forgot—one was a worry of yesterday, and so it is gone." "And the other?" "That—why, that was a worry of tomorrow, and it—it has not yet come." Then the angel smiled with infinite pity, saying: "Hearken! He who bows himself down under the worries of yesterday and tomorrow wears himself out for naught. But he who carries only the worries of today has no need of a sack for his sorrows. If thou will cast this black thing aside, and give all thy strength and cheer and courage to the things of today, real misfortune never can burden thee."
Wondering, the man did as the angel commanded. And as he took up his journey and went lightly, swiftly on, his heart and his hands were free to relieve many a brother wayfarer of his burden and to pluck sweet fruits and flowers along the wayside. And when he came at last to the setting of the sun it was with smiles and a song."
~ unknown

Technorati Tags: Anxiety, Hope, Optimism, Quotes, Trust

If You Give Your Wife a Candle Party...

Have you read the book, "If you give a mouse a cookie"?
I have my own version...

Some day my beloved might say "I'd like to throw a candle party!"
I would probably say..., sure!
Then she'd probably say, oh my, would you look at the fireplace!
It's so dirty, should we have it cleaned
so that the ladies and I can enjoy a warm fire as we look at candles?
I would say..., sure!
When the fireplace is clean, she'd probably say,
Oh my, would you look at the wallpaper in the dinning room?
It's so old and dirty, should we paint the walls red,
so that the ladies and I can take a break and enjoy wine and cheese?
I would probably say..., sure!
When the room is painted red, she'd say,
Oh my, would you look at the walls in the family room!
How can we enjoy the fireplace when they look so old and dirty?
Should we paint the walls green?
I'd probably say..., sure!
Once the fireplace is clean, one room is red, and the other is green,
she'd say...
Oh my, would you look at this kitchen!
It's so dark and sad, should we paint it yellow?
I'd probably say..., sure!
Then she would say, the house now looks great!
But would you look at those book shelves and the TV stand!
They are so old, and falling apart!
Should we get nice new and brown ones?
I'd probably say..., sure!
Now the walls are clean and red, green, and yellow...,
the furniture is new and brown...
Oh my, would you look at this carpet!
It's so old and dirty! Should we have it cleaned?
I'd probably say..., sure!
Now all is red, green, yellow, brown, and clean...
Oh my, would you look at the tired muscles and aching back
of my dearest hubby...,
should I give you a nice aromatherapy massage?
I'd probably say..., sure!

Just remember..., if your wife wants to throw a candle party..., run to Michaels and immediately buy 3 dozen candles!

This is a true and very recent story. My beloved has authorized the publishing of this. All rights reserved.

Technorati Tags: Love and Marriage

Can Religion Bring You Health?

I was reading Catholic News Services' story entitled "Catholic Medical Association links medicine and spirituality" and was wondering what you thought of how our religion and spirituality impact health. Doctors from this association credit religion with better health. In one passage they say...
"He described what has been called the Rosetto effect, named after a southeastern Pennsylvania town founded by Italian immigrants.

He said scientists found that this town, which was rich in religious, ethnic and community tradition, had practically no deaths from heart attacks in the 1940s and '50s, despite residents' fat-heavy diets and frequent smoking. The residents' life at that time was centered on the church -- with a lot of the glue supporting their lives provided by local businesses as well as time spent on front porches and a rejection of outward displays of wealth.

But in the 1960s, church life diminished, people began to build patios and decks on the back of their homes, displays of status became prominent and local businesses folded. By the 1970s, the town's rate of death by heart attack matched the rest of the country, he said.

One way to change that outcome, argued McElynn, would be to bring back traditions and communal life that revolve around people rather than around commercial success."

Raising Psychologically Healthy and Resilient Children

This post is a continuation of the post Why is There an Epidemic of Depression?. What can parents do to help their children grow to be happy, psychologically healthy, and resilient? There are six things parents can do to help their children. Although many of these actions are more relevant when children are small, today one of my clients and I went over them with her children in mind (early teens) and they were still relevant.

Prayer During Depression

Prayer for Trust in Jesus

O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.

- St. Ignatius of Loyola

Technorati Tags: Anxiety, Catholic, Depression, Happiness, Prayer

Why is there an Epidemic of Depression?

Despite progress in wealth, health, economy, and other factors, the number of people suffering from depression is ten times bigger than in 1950. Depression is also happening earlier in life. 40 years ago the mean age of first onset was 29.5 years old. Today it is 14.5 years old. This epidemic is occurring in many countries and across many socioeconomic classes. Why is there an epidemic of depression?

A Glorious Saturday

I had such a glorious Saturday at the cabin! I woke up 2.5 hours earlier than anyone else, so I was able to enjoy some solitude. I woke up to the great smell of cabin fireplace from the night before. I put my sweater on and went outside in the back to take a closer look at the woods and the pond... in my pajamas... Then I came back to freshly brewed coffee and sat on a comfy chair by a big window overlooking the woods.

Accomplish Goals & Realize Dreams: Visualize the Future (Part 3)

This is part 3 in a series dedicated to how we can accomplish our goals & realize our dreams (also see part 1 and part 2). By now we have a good understanding of our character strengths, the needs in the world that move us most, the values and principles that guide our lives and we have a mission statement expressing our life's purpose. Now we get to have some fun, now we get to dream, now we listen to God's whispers about our future.

Cooking with my wife

Do you cook with your partner? Tonight I was helping my wife cook. We had fun. She made Caribbean black beans with mango over coconut rice. It was DELICIOUS!! I love to cook, but when I cook it is more of an alone moment. I typically single thread my thoughts. With cooking I have to keep track of many things going on at once so I need to fully concentrate. I can't talk also...

Tonight I said to my wife, hey, I want to take you on a date..., November 30th, downtown... She looked at me happy and curiously waiting to hear what my plans were. I said Disney on Ice! Just you and me babe! And... the theme is The Incredibles! There was a pause wanting to see if I was serious... and she then hugged me and said yes. Sometimes it's good to be a kid... I can't wait!

Technorati Tags: Romance