Many years ago a friend of mine was reading a book called the Power of Now and he shared a little formula to think through the many difficult situations we face in life. When faced with these situation we first ask, "Can I make a change that will cause this problem to no longer exist or be as bad?" If we can't or we are not successful at it, we then ask, "Can I remove myself from this bad situation?" Finally, if we can't change it or we can't remove it, we must accept it. Change, remove, accept.
This sounds trivial, but sometimes we are deep in a problem and we can't see our way out, everything looks like a fog. We are in the swamp and all we see is alligators. We have too many thoughts bouncing in our brain and we may feel victimized. It is good to then pause and ask these questions. As obvious as this seems, how many times are we feeling sorry or angry over a situation that we can't change or we can't remove from our lives? We keep going in an emotional roller coster when what we need to do is begin the difficult process of acceptance. This sounds silly, but accepting the situation is hard work, it requires humble surrender. Realizing that acceptance is the only option is the first step.
Over the past few years I have been dealing with a bad situation that I can't mention here "to protect the innocent." I tried to change the situation and I tried to make changes in me, and they caused only a subtle improvement. This week I learned that the situation is still here and bad. My wife and I had some tough soul searching to do on this yesterday and today, and came to the conclusion that we now must remove ourselves from this situation. This will take many months to do, if we are successful. If we are not, then it will be time to accept.
I pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit so that my wife and I may be able to discern and make the right choices with peace and joy in our heart.
Technorati Tags: Depression, Happiness
Just wondering...how is your daughter doing?
Posted by: twyla | January 24, 2006 at 11:45 PM
Hector,
sorry to change the topic, but was wondering if you had heard that the Vatican is going to copyright the Popes Encyclicals, so that those who wish to quote from them must now pay a fee?
If it is true, then personally I think this is a mistake as one should never charge for declaring the Church's Truth. Here is a link to the article, please let me know what you all think of it?
http://www.newkerala.com/news.php?action=fullnews&id=93935
Hope things improve with your situation.
Peace of Christ to you.
Marie
Posted by: | January 25, 2006 at 05:38 AM
You and your family are in my prayers. God knows your situation and will guide you through it.
Posted by: Essy | January 25, 2006 at 08:21 AM
I will pray and offer sacrifices for you today. Blessings!
Posted by: Mary Poppins NOT (Renee) | January 25, 2006 at 09:01 AM
Hector,
I will intercede in prayer on behalf of you and your wife, but since I can't claim to have the intercession capability of the saints, I now call upon them too!
God Bless.
Posted by: ukok | January 25, 2006 at 10:24 AM
Praying for you...
Posted by: Julie D. | January 25, 2006 at 12:29 PM
Marie, this is incorrect. What the rules are prevents unauthorized publication of the Pope's words. Newspapers, bishops' conferences, etc. can use the words royalty-free if they remain unchanged and put a line in about them being from the Vatican Edition.
After World Youth Day, someone tried to publish all the speeches by Pope Benedict without gaining prior approval.
Hector, my prayers are for you and your wife through the perilous waters. I was there myself just a few months ago. I picked the absolute worse-case scenario and it turned out to be the most liberating and grace-filled choice. I cried a lot though, before I made it. It was a clean sever, though, and the Holy Spirit was able to do quick healing. "If I climb up to heaven you are there, if I make the grave my bed, you are there also. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand will lead me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will cover me, and the light around me turn to night,' darkness is not dark to you..." Psalm 139
Posted by: Argent | January 25, 2006 at 12:30 PM
My prayers go out for you and your wife as you make this decision.
Posted by: Valerie | January 25, 2006 at 02:47 PM
Praying for you.
Posted by: Debi | January 25, 2006 at 09:56 PM
Argent:)
Thanks for letting me know, much appreciated.
Hector I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Peace of Christ.
Marie
Posted by: | January 26, 2006 at 01:39 AM
Hector, I have no doubt that what you are writing about is not a trivial matter. I will keep this in my prayers. I have gone through some tough things where I have had to learn to "accept," and also to try and to go on in my life and give things over to God. It is not easy and I won't make light of it.
However, having said this, I was going through some real frustration recently with living in a home with two families co-existing since Oct. All three of my teens have become constant and complete mess-heads. There has been ongoing friction and yet the other family (my daughter and her family) will be moving out shortly. I knew it was only temporary, but it has been tough.
Understandly so. However, being middle age and watching my teens get worse and wondering if I have even done much if anything right, has gotten to me and of course wondering how well they will turn out. Down deep, they have good in them and are learning about their faith. I wrote to a dear friend...mom of 10 and she assured me that she is going through similar things. She is middle age also or early menopause too. She reminded me how little time these "messheads" will be here. She has also had terrible things to deal with in her life including a son in prison for a very long time and she is a great Catholic woman. Nonetheless, she still goes on.
She made me think how for the first time in my life, that I need to really think about "picking my fights." Not to allow pure laziness, but to not be so rigid. For the first time, Hector, I think I am learning what really doing the "Litte Way" for Jesus is all about. He is the ONLY ONE who will ever truly and fully appreciate all of our efforts here.
I do not know your situation, however, in some "little way," I
hope my words will help and the prayers of the many who are commenting on your blog. You are a helpful person who loves the Lord...He will help you and your wife for sure! Visualize Christ's face in your turning things over to Him...He knows we need Him and that is always okay, isn't it? :) Yes, COME HOLY SPIRIT!
Posted by: Suzanne McConnell | January 26, 2006 at 09:16 AM
Of course, I'll keep you in my prayers.
Posted by: HeyJules | January 26, 2006 at 04:00 PM
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers. It is always nice to have the support of wonderful people like you. This is a difficult situation, but I believe God only gives us blessings or opportunities. This is an opportunity...
Suzanne, I'm sorry for all that you have and are going thrpugh. My prayers are with you...
Posted by: Hector | January 26, 2006 at 10:10 PM
Yes, Hector, these are opportunities...that is the only way we can look at them, I suppose. Thank you for your prayers and I will remember yours at Mass today when I go in a bit!
God bless you and your family!
Posted by: Suzanne McConnell | January 27, 2006 at 07:56 AM
I'll pray for you, Hector. Please keep in touch.
Posted by: Moneybags | January 27, 2006 at 06:55 PM