This weekend we traveled to a tiny town in the mountains of Kentucky to visit my wife's grandfather to celebrate his 87th birthday. He lives by himself since his wife died two years ago. He still works the land as a farmer. We had a wonderful time visiting with many relatives and enjoying the natural beauty of the beautiful mountains of Kentucky (and excellent food!).
One thing that struck me was how different it felt like to be sitting in the porch with the men all afternoon and evening. The setting was very traditional, with the men in the porch and the women in the kitchen. There is something very different from these men, ages 42 through 87, compared to the city people I hang out with. These men grew up in very poor settings, always working with their hands, either farming, cutting timber, or working as carpenters. We spent hours together telling stories. The stories were about squirrels, deer, turkey, hickory trees, this year's crops, whether green roofs fade faster than red roofs, birds like whippoorwill, and about friends and families. The Bible and Church were mentioned often. It was about observing life, and it was about telling a good story about any topic.
Everyone always politely listened to the story teller, and sincerely enjoyed the story. It felt peaceful and happy. There were times with long periods of silence, other than the sound of someone sharpening a knife. There was no TV. There was no alcohol. There was no snack food until dinner. The point was simply being with one another, and listening to stories. It is so different when I get together with men from the city. Everyone gathers by the TV, they make fun of each other, conversations are about TV advertisements or sports teams, or golf, and there is a constant sense of competition. I definitely don't feel the deep sincere joy I experienced this weekend, the joy found in the simple life.
Technorati Tags: Happiness
Sounds lovely Hector.
Posted by: Essy | June 26, 2006 at 08:19 AM
Glad you are back :)
I wonder if part of the difference is that these men see each other day in day out and live lives together. In the cities we have to plan to meet and share very little with each other (in every sense of the word)
I wonder what the women were up to in the kitchen too :) Does life 'out back' differ from them than for the women's groups in the cities. And in what way?
The hard thing is that we can never observe without changing the dynamics - but I live in a society where women and men rarely meet apart - unless we intentionally do it. I belong to an English speaking women's group - started 14 years ago to give us one evening 'off' no husbands and no kids (grin) - we meet a little less often now, but still enjoy each others company ... and the new comers. I think it's important for newcomers to Finland to have such a suppport group. It's really been a God send to some.
I wonder what support the foreign men have. I've never thought about it until now
Posted by: Lorna | June 26, 2006 at 01:34 PM
I've noticed the same thing when visiting with some elderly friends of mine. I love it - to me, it's the way it's supposed to be.
Posted by: Valerie | June 26, 2006 at 08:46 PM
Very good observations. The men in our house are like the city men.
Interesting!
Posted by: Miz Booshay | June 27, 2006 at 08:44 AM
I used to love visiting my great grandpa. We would sit outside in all kinds of weather, but the best time of year was sugaring. We would sit by the fire all day boiling maple sap over a fire. He would smoke, spit, stir the sap, and not say much. But I learned a lot!
Posted by: patti | June 28, 2006 at 02:02 AM
Sounds to have been a wonderful weekend! Just sounds like my kind of thing...only being a women I would have been relegated indoors :cry:
:-)
Posted by: ukok | June 28, 2006 at 08:07 AM
Oh, but being indoors with the women is a joy, too. You learn the fascinating history of families. "Don't you remember? Back in...." "Yes, that's right..." "And her daddy went off to the war and her mama went to work in the factory..."
Then you see how your own story thread weaves into the fabric. And in between, you find out the best chicken salad recipe, how to make your pound cake simply scrumptious, what to do for bee stings, and how to discipline unruly youngsters. It's lovely.
Posted by: Argent | June 28, 2006 at 07:52 PM
I am from the South myself and personally I am quite prejudice in this area..I find folks from Kentucky and Alabama esp. quite polite and just so nice. As soon as you go into a grocery or something down south, you here ..."Thank you...Yes, ma'am..No Sir," etc. STILL. I grew up learning this and I still say things like this and I am 52! It sticks and although the youth are not necessarily better, they certainly have to a little more watchful of their mouths and at least seem really respectful of their elders more than any kids I've met up this way, so far, with the exception of a few children. Glad you had such a sweet time with good memories! :)
Posted by: Suzanne | June 29, 2006 at 12:33 PM
Thanks for such enjoable and interesting comments. I do want to say that all I heard from the kitchen was laughter and fun. The energy was different than the porch, much more vibrant...
Posted by: Hector | July 01, 2006 at 12:37 PM
Okay, I guess I'd make do with the fun in the kitchen :-P
But Hector, when you say that the guy-energy on the porch was vibrant, you weren't meaning that the gal-energy was lacklustre, were you?
Course not, I'm only pulling your leg.
Posted by: ukok | July 04, 2006 at 02:38 PM
Actually, what I meant to say was that the gal energy was vibrant and fun. The porch was quiet and slower... Gals were having more fun!
Posted by: Hector | July 04, 2006 at 11:32 PM
nice save hector :)
Posted by: Lorna | July 05, 2006 at 12:48 PM