Self-discipline is extremely important in our ability to accomplish our goals and realize our dreams (also see part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, and part 5). By now we have worked hard on mission statements, intentions, and goals. The fuel that makes this engine work is self-discipline. The good news is that there are ways to maximize it. This concept is also very important for parents.
Although technically different, in this post I will use the terms self-regulation, self-control, and self-discipline as synonymous. Self-discipline is extremely important in life. Its presence has predicted less pathological symptoms like anxiety, better relationships, and better success at school and work. Children with it have fewer discipline problems and fewer conflicts with other children. People are less likely to abuse alcohol, drugs, get in debt, do crime, etc with high self-discipline. Most of us use it to avoid doing things like eating chocolate, drinking, or responding to sexual stimulus. We can also use it to get us to do something like exercising or praying. Self-discipline is key in achieving our goals.
Two important concepts to keep in mind is that self-discipline is like a muscle and that it takes energy to use it. We all have and use this muscle daily, we don't allow ourselves to respond to every internal or external stimulus. I am able to easily curl 50 pounds, but I can't curl 100 pounds unless I train my muscle daily by starting small and increasing the intensity over time. The second concept is that it takes physical and emotional energy to self-regulate. I can't stay up late partying, do physical work around the house, and expect to go to the gym and lift the same as I typically do. My energy would be depleted.
A typical and dangerous technique we use to increase self-discipline is suppression. If I say "I am not going to eat chocolate." The body responds first by creating a sort of radar that constantly scans TV commercials, countertops, pantry, etc. for chocolate and another response that then suppresses the desire for it, it tries to burry it. The problem is that when we say, "Since I have lost 10 pounds, I can now eat some chocolate," we continue to scan for chocolate as intensely and then don't suppress it. We eat lots of it! This happened to me with bread and Atkins diet. The second danger is that since it takes energy to suppress, if we have used it in some other fashion (problem at work, disagreement with spouse, lots of housework) we won't have the energy necessary to use the self-discipline muscle. We found the chocolate, but can't stop ourselves and we eat it.
What can we do?
- Reward your children for delayed-gratification and always ensure that you actually produce the reward promised.
- Begin knowing that it is very likely that you have the potential to develop the self-discipline muscle to do what you want. If you tie this to our process you are more likely to do it since you have a compelling reason to do it. Create a plan that starts small and gets you there.
- Instead of suppression, the most successful technique is conditional statements that you commit to. "When I get to the restaurant I will order a vegetable dish," "As soon as I go to the bathroom in the morning I will sit to pray."
- Monitoring has also been found to be extremely important in self-discipline. Create a way to track and report your progress. Also have a support group that you have to share with and receive challenges and encouragement (maybe a blog?). Working with a Life Coach may help. People that write what they eat, typically lose weight. Good runners keep a log of milage. People on Weight Watchers lose weight when they go to their meetings, Alcoholic Anonymous have people that call on others. How would you track your progress? Keep it simple... a smiley face on the calendar might be good enough.
- Since there is only so much energy to use, limit the number of things that you are simultaneously working on. Have only a few intentions, a few goals. People that write a long list of intentions for New Year's day fail at most of them. They are trying to change too much!
- Think of ways in which you may be losing energy and not have enough for the things that matter the most. If you want to get up early to pray, are you going to bed at a decent time and in a state of peace and relaxation?
There's a lot more we can say about this, but this may be a good start.
May God bless you in increasing your muscle of self-discipline! You will be unleashing your potential to live a happier, healthier, and more meaningful life...
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Very good advice! You have helped to remind me of what I need to do to succeed. Thank you! God Bless!
Posted by: Angie | November 13, 2005 at 11:37 AM